September 2022
I wrote this after the person I was seeing overdosed on heroin, they told me to keep it a secret, but I went to their parents. I held the secret, about the drug use for maybe 24 hours. I spoke to a doctor who asked me;
"Which story do you like better, the one where you keep the secret and he dies, or the one where you loose him because you saved his life?"
I sat in my car for a long time. I thought about him dying and me being the only one who knew that he was spiralling. So I called his sister. She cried.
I think he told his family that I was overreacting, or that I had lead him astray, perhaps that it was my fault. His father called me 30 minutes before a grad school interview and asked questions like;
"When did you guys start doing heroin?"
"Who do you know that does heroin?"
To which I said truthfully, I have never done heroin, and know nobody who uses it. He finished the call with words that will stay with me forever.
"Well, I'm glad you finally decided to do the right thing." A comment on the 24 hours that had past since my ex partner had said "If you tell my parents, I will never call you again when I need help."
I no longer talk to them or their family. At first, I asked his sister if he was ok, I would text her. She started supportive, but I think as their narrative solidified that I had led him astray, she eventually messaged me. "Please, leave us alone." So I did.
Our communication ended almost abruptly after this. Everyone says I did the "right thing," but I feel as though I lost a lot too.
I would have nightmares for months after that I had fallen asleep while I was supposed to be watching him during what I later discovered was an overdose on heroin. In the dreams I would fall asleep and wake up to him having passed beside me. As the months went by the person beside me would change. It would turn into friends who were going through breakups, or my siblings who lived far from me at the time.
